This cuts painfully close to a story from my own life, of how the woman who went on to conceive a child with me had previously come to be widowed from the father of her two daughters. “If I knew then what I know now” is hardly of any use to me, because that mindset would have me regretting the existence of my wonderful daughter now. But I can see so clearly, with what I do know now, how it is that so many children in that family have come by whatever means available, to be fatherless.
And, this is not my only exposure to a family that routinely disposes of fathers and sets up mothers in single-mom-heroine status. The dynamics of a matriarchal extended family have become so familiar to me by now that I can almost understand why people now just consider the fatherless child to be normal and the one with a father to be at risk from him. Fathers trying to function as a man does within that environment are reduced to a kind of complicit servile status, subject to summary dismissal should they not obey the whims of the female committee that holds all power of determination in the children’s lives.
“Power of determination” is a critical component too often under-valued in these discussions. Too often we hear people saying some man should be allowed to “see” his children, how unfair it is that he not be allowed enough “visits” with them. Damn it, fathering is not “seeing” or “visiting” our children, it is being PARENTS to them. What does a parent do? Make decisions, set policies, enforce rules, give guidance, set examples, laugh, love, suffer, heal and LIVE together as family. “Seeing” and “visiting” are not enough to demand: we must demand our rightful place as MEMBERS OF THE CHILDREN’S FAMILY, as their PARENTS.
Hits home hard ,,, family court needs to open there eyes and make it right ! As if ,,, that will only hurt there pockets ,,they keep push n good father’s down ,,, very disturbing ,,,
This cuts painfully close to a story from my own life, of how the woman who went on to conceive a child with me had previously come to be widowed from the father of her two daughters. “If I knew then what I know now” is hardly of any use to me, because that mindset would have me regretting the existence of my wonderful daughter now. But I can see so clearly, with what I do know now, how it is that so many children in that family have come by whatever means available, to be fatherless.
And, this is not my only exposure to a family that routinely disposes of fathers and sets up mothers in single-mom-heroine status. The dynamics of a matriarchal extended family have become so familiar to me by now that I can almost understand why people now just consider the fatherless child to be normal and the one with a father to be at risk from him. Fathers trying to function as a man does within that environment are reduced to a kind of complicit servile status, subject to summary dismissal should they not obey the whims of the female committee that holds all power of determination in the children’s lives.
“Power of determination” is a critical component too often under-valued in these discussions. Too often we hear people saying some man should be allowed to “see” his children, how unfair it is that he not be allowed enough “visits” with them. Damn it, fathering is not “seeing” or “visiting” our children, it is being PARENTS to them. What does a parent do? Make decisions, set policies, enforce rules, give guidance, set examples, laugh, love, suffer, heal and LIVE together as family. “Seeing” and “visiting” are not enough to demand: we must demand our rightful place as MEMBERS OF THE CHILDREN’S FAMILY, as their PARENTS.
Hits home hard ,,, family court needs to open there eyes and make it right ! As if ,,, that will only hurt there pockets ,,they keep push n good father’s down ,,, very disturbing ,,,