Category: Marriage

Bumbling Dads

  As women left Montclair, N.J., for marches in Washington and New York, family routines were radically altered, and many fathers had to meet weekend demands alone. http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/22/nyregion/womens-march-montclair-nj.html?smprod=nytcore-iphone&smid=nytcore-iphone-share Is this another “bumbling dad” piece?   This is The Onion right?…

How Do You Spell Dad? L-O-V-E

Waking up at the crack of dawn sucks. It just does. Well, it does for me.

I’ve never been a morning person. I never will be. I like to get up at about 9 or 10AM. Well, that’s just not the life I’ve chosen to live.

You see, I get up so early for a reason.

 

I usually arrive home from work at 11PM. I’m totally wired and wide awake. I eventually wind down so I can get to sleep at around 1AM. My alarm goes off in the morning, but I snooze for a few more minutes before I jump out of bed. I try to shake the cobwebs out of my brain and think of where I parked my car so I can go pick up my kids.

I drive over to my ex-wife’s house and get my kids at 7:15AM. We spend about 45 minutes to an hour getting to school. There are mornings where we just listen to the radio. We sometimes laugh about stories from the previous day or if we see something silly on the way. When a serious event happens in our country, we might have a brief thought provoking discussion. When I see the opportunity, I let my kids know about some cold hard truths about growing up in America. They soak it all up like sponges. In the end, I have that special time with just me and my kids. It’s time well spent.

I get the balance of my sleep some time during the day by taking naps if I’m not working. I ain’t afraid to admit, I LOVE naps. Later in the day, I pick them up from school and we spend the afternoon together at my place until I bring them to their mom’s house after I cook them dinner.

It’s exhausting, but totally worth every hour I miss of sleep during the night.

Why do I do this to myself? Well, I asked this question this morning when I got out of bed. As soon as I thought of that question, I got my answer.

It’s because I love them. I really do.

After 14 years of fatherhood, nothing has changed. I’ve been there since the beginning. I’m glad I saw every little step my kids have taken over the years and witnessed every little development along the way. Our time is very limited on this planet and I am making sure I spend as much of it as I possibly can with my kids before they are adults and off on their own.

I wasn’t going to allow any silly “family court” system to keep me away from this. I’ll lose all kinds of sleep but I won’t lose out on being a father. That’s just not going to happen. I made sure of that.

Fathers….

We love our kids as much as mothers. We care too. We want to be there as much as we can even though we may be tired, working long hours, traveling, busting our ass to get a promotion or more money or any other thing that might keep us temporarily separate.

Dads…

We are not the babysitter. We are the guidance the protection, the focus, the spiritual uplift, the support system, the provider, the backbone, the rock, the stability, the L-O-V-E.

I heard about this artist and song today after chatting with a colleague of mine named Felton Offard on Facebook. (he’s an amazing guitarists by the way). He hipped me to this guy Sho Baraka. Sho has a great new album out called ” The Narrative.”

I think this is right on point:

I learned that love ain’t based on performance
Make a mistake and I will love you in the morning
I see life in my children’s eyes
And when I’m wrong I’ll be the first to apologize
Peace to all my fathers who are working through their flaws
Fulfilling their duties and they don’t do it for applause
It’s true, any fool with a tool can reproduce
But a father is that dude that’ll see it through
Forget the stereotypes lets be clear
There are good men out there we are here

……………..

How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?
It goes L-O-V-E
How do you spell dad?

Bitter Much?

When people make comments from time to time about men being bitter about their ex, I wonder how these people would feel if they were on the short end of the divorce stick. How would these people feel if they…

55 years of Marriage 

Today is my parents’ 55th wedding anniversary. They are the model for what long-term relationships are supposed to be. No marriage is perfect, but theirs seems like it has stood the test of time. I feel their partnership is what a good marriage can ultimately be. I certainly know what a bad marriage looks like, since I was once in one.

My parents are people who I still admire and look up to for all they have accomplished in their lives. It’s rare for people to be married as long as they have been. It is unfortunate our society doesn’t have more models like them to emulate.
55 years is a long time to be with one person. I don’t know how they did it but glad they are still alive and kicking. I’m also happy that they are still together for me, my two sisters and their grandkids.
Even though they will probably never see this post (since they aren’t on social media), and I’ve already spoken to them, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Thoughts and Reflections

If you look through my blog you will see years of my thoughts. I have posted my thoughts on divorce, family court, college “rape,” male/female relationships and so much more. I started blogging a few years after my divorce as…

War on Boys

What ever happened to letting “boys be boys?” Take these two cases: In one, a seven-year-old boy was sent home for nibbling a Pop Tart into a gun. In another, a teacher was so alarmed by a picture drawn by a student (of a sword fight), that the boy’s parents were summoned in for a conference. In short, boys in America’s schools are routinely punished for being active, competitive, and restless. In other words, boys can no longer be boys. Christina Hoff Sommers, a scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, explains how we can change this.

Angry feminist attacks Dr Umar Johnson in public

This interesting interaction between Dr Umar Johnson and a feminist in Kansas City was interesting to observe. It also gives us a lot to talk about when it comes to being able to draw a line between advocating for the black family vs. being anti-gay or homophobic.

The discussion is important for black people in terms of helping us to learn what role we as a community can and should play in the debate over women’s rights, gay rights and everything else. Rather than attacking the black community for not being in alignment with whites, it might be best for us to determine our own position.