Marriage-is it really all about the money?

I’ve said to several people that in order for things to change in our culture, it has to affect WOMEN.

Divorce, child support and alimony financially destroy men temporarily, but hurt women in the long run.

Listen to the perspective of a woman who finally is seeing the light.

D.I.V.O.R.C.E. spells disaster for too many dads going through the big break-up. By Sarah Symonds | 15 Sep 2013

Over the years, we as women have fought hard to be equal to men, yet so many ex-wives are still sponging off previous husbands, their excuse being they want to maintain the same standard of life they had when married.

Well if it was that good why not just stay married then?

Meanwhile the poor men responsible for paying for their ex-wives’ continued standard of living are often left struggling to make their own ends meet, and they are certainly not being afforded the same lifestyle they were used to while married.

No, for them, the family home is usually the first thing to go, many having to resort to renting a small scant apartment (usually “near to the family home” so they can try to see their kids) or in the case of one man I met recently, having to move back in with his mother in his late 40s while his ex-wife and kids stayed in the large family home in the country.

I ask you, where is the equality in that?

During my work as an Infidelity & Relationship Analyst, I’ve learned that many ex-wives actually choose not to remarry, ever aware that they’d be cutting off the hand that feeds them.

I hear from many divorced women who tell me they make it very clear to new boyfriends, lovers, partners, even toy-boys, that they’ll never reach spousal status, as their maintenance payments would stop if they found another (and perhaps less wealthy) husband.

So, they date new men, but always keep the old one in the picture to pay the bills!

Is that fair on the ex-husband? Surely that’s not healthy for anyone concerned, and I know for a fact that many new boyfriends on the scene feel emasculated by this set-up.

If there are children involved then of course they need to be supported as best as possible but, sadly, because men typically lose so much in a divorce case, their means rapidly dwindle, and after paying for the children, the ex-wife, and the house they no longer live in, it can leave them broke, and very bitter at the system.

She later talks about gay marriage:

They say “all’s fair in love and war but in divorce I would beg to differ.

What starts out as love and devotion turns into a war of attrition. Marriage becomes a negotiation.

And while I’m a massive champion of equality and same sex marriages, I read this week that the grass is not always greener on the other side either, because Jane Lynch, the fabulous actress from Glee who was in a same sex marriage, is now getting divorced, and her ex-wife, Lara Embry, is seeking spousal support from her.

She also wants all her legal fees paid.

But why!? Her ex-wife is a Clinical Psychologist, so she’s hardly on the breadline.

And the child involved is her ex’s daughter, not Jane’s.

Surely there must be an ex-husband lurking somewhere in the equation paying maintenance for his daughter.

This is a stark reminder that all relationships – no matter the gender – eventually just come down to being all about money in the end. And not to sound all Carrie Bradshaw on you here, but it does make me wonder what this “love thing” really is all about.

Read more HERE