Stressed Out Working Fathers?

by Clayton Craddock • March 20, 2013 • 0 Comments

They may not be happy about it, but working fathers have closed the “guilt gap” with working mothers, admitting they find it difficult to juggle work and family.

Mothers, in turn, are becoming more likely to view earning money as an important part of motherhood.

Both increasingly report they “always feel rushed.”

“Fathers and mothers are becoming more alike than ever before,” said Wendy Wang of the Pew Research Center. Pew recently asked parents to indicate how much time they spend on various activities during the day — as well as how they feel about their choices. They then compared the answers with those given by parents in 1965.

The results paint a portrait of frazzled parents tugged in all directions.

“This is a good news/bad news situation,” said historian Stephanie Coontz, an expert in changing family roles and the author of “A Strange Stirring,” a look at women, men and families in the ’60s.
The good news is that parents are sharing child-care responsibilities. “The bad news is men are under stress now, too,” Coontz said.

In both the 1965 results and the 2012 results just released, mothers and fathers are nearly equal in the amount of combined work they do each week — whether in paid employment, housework or child-rearing.

What has changed — drastically — is who does what and what gets done.

As mothers have moved into the workplace, it has impacted how fathers spend their time as well. Modern dads have stepped up to do more housework (10 hours a week instead of four hours in 1965) — as well as more time with their children (seven hours instead of 2½ hours.)

Today’s fathers genuinely want that daily involvement with their children, said William Marsiglio, co-author of “Nurturing Dads — Social Initiatives for Contemporary Fatherhood.” Those who were raised by a father who spent time with them want to replicate that experience, while those raised by more distant fathers want to be more available to their own children, he said…..

Relationships

Dating at 50?

by Clayton Craddock • March 19, 2013 • 0 Comments

I agree with this comment:

from tua07485 d : “Whats up with the word “dating?” Its dated to me. someone should find appropriate substitute to the word. one the goes with the circumstances of the “dater.” The word suggests that dating relationship is very brief and places importance on sex (as evidenced by the suggestive photo up top.) I think for older folks, dating should be referred as companionship; some people use that term. If its simply to explore sexual life, then sexual partner would be the right word.
In case you are wondering, I also have issue with the terms boyfriend and girlfriend. I don’t think I need to explain how I feel about those terms used in reference to relationships between older adults.”

Listen here:

Fatherhood

Lean In?

by Clayton Craddock • March 18, 2013 • 0 Comments

I have no problem with encouraging people to go and follow your dreams. I have no problem with encouraging others to explore new careers they might now be aware of. I have no problem with thinking outside the box.

BUT….I have a major problem when we put career over family. We now have a new wave of people trumpeting career and ‘having it all.’ I feel they will regret their choice.

Warren Farrell recently said, ‘The road to high pay is a toll road.” Being a careeer person who works 60-70 hopurs a week and makes high wages comes with a high personal cost.

The reality is – no one can have it all. It is a myth.

Don’t be fooled by the people at the top of the food chain telling you to go ahead and be a busy worker bee and charge ahead. FAMILY is where we all need to lean in. Lean in and pay attention to the one thing that will be there for us when we get old. Lean in and listen to those who see you as an asset and not a liability. Lean in and watch your children change day to day right before your eyes. Lean in and enjoy the wonderful relationships you have. These people are more likely to be in your life LONG after you leave the job you are on right now.

I say we need to lean back! Lean back and nurture your relationship with people instead of profit.

Sometimes, people don’t realize what is important until it is too late

The Greta Garbo of the 2008 fiscal meltdown has broken her silence with a stunning confession — and it’s not about her role in the implosion of Lehman Brothers.

Erin Callan, who has lain low since her ouster from the doomed investment bank, says she allowed Wall Street to take over her life and says the sacrifices she made to rise to the top were “not worth it.”

“Until recently, I thought my singular focus on my career was the most powerful ingredient in my success,” Callan wrote. “But I am beginning to realize that I sold myself short.”

Callan confessed “work always came first, before my family, friends and marriage.”

As a result, Callan’s first marriage ended in divorce. Now she is 47, remarried, and desperate to have children.

A day in the life, Fatherhood

Conversations

by Clayton Craddock • March 18, 2013 • 0 Comments

This morning I had a brief conversation with my daughter. I don’t get to see my kids on the weekends since I usually am working. I take time to speak to them at least once every weekend. This time I called up my kids on Sunday morning.

My son is quite gregarious. He almost can’t stop talking when he gets on the phone sometimes. I think it’s great. My daughter, on the other hand, can be quiet. I don’t know why, but she tends to not want to speak for long on the phone with me.

Well, that all changed today. I got a call from her at around 6:30PM. I’ve been making updates to my website (claytoncraddock.com) for most of the day. I was ready to talk. We had the BEST conversation in about a year. She just wanted to talk to me…about anything. She initially told me about a globe she was looking at. She said that it was nice, but the globe felt funny. I am assuming it was one of those old globes with the raised surface to show the differences in terrain.

She told me about a few countries she found. I decided to look up information about each country since I had immediate access to the internet. As she named the countries, I told her how many people were in each country, what the currency was and who is the leader — that is, if I could pronounce their name. We then started to play games. She said, “OK daddy, I’ll name a country, then it will be your turn to name one….GO!” We went back and forth rattling off a bunch of countries. I feel we both learned a little bit from each other. Next, I asked her to find Florida. From the recent presidential results, I feel Florida could be its own country, but that is another blog post. I asked her to find the little islands under the state. I wanted her to search for Cuba, Jamaica, the Dominican Republic and Haiti. I explained that on one side of the island they speak French and the other Spanish. She said jokingly that, “Well in the middle, they must speak Frannish!”

We had a good laugh and kept on moving around the globe. It was like we were on our own little trip around the world. After about a half hour of that, she looked around to see what other things we could do together. She immediately thought of reading me some of her books. She picked one up and started going for it. 15 minutes later, her mom came in and told her that she had to get ready for bed. She told me that she would have to speak to me tomorrow, forgetting that she would see me in the morning when I pick her and her brother up and take them to school.

I sometimes forget about the bond we share. I have been with my daughter almost every day of her life. The only time I didn’t see her while she was younger was during the dark days of my divorce proceedings. I have been fortunate to have been a stay at home dad since her birth. My profession allows me to have my days free. I can take care of my children when they are sick as well as the days they are off from school. I also spend just about every afternoon with them to cook them dinner and help with homework.

It is truly a blessing to see my daughter transition from a baby to a 10-year-old girl, and yes, this is just the beginning. It is truly one amazing experience. I look at her and can’t believe how much she has changed.

Yeah , yeah, I know. Just wait. Everything will change during the teenage years. I get that. Until then, I am enjoying the present moment. Right now, I am here for my girlie whenever she wants to travel the globe, read books, talk about nothing or just goof off. I hope she will pick up the phone for my advice during her teenage years. I know there will be boys that will be trying to call her 24-7 in junior high school. I’ll be there for her then too.

When they say children grow fast, believe it! They do. It’s all part of life. I feel that so many of us miss out on the little things. Little things really do mean a lot.

Fatherhood

Dads have two shifts too

by Clayton Craddock • March 16, 2013 • 0 Comments

There’s a narrative out there that, when it comes to how parents spend their time, dads are slackers. The Pew Research Center released a report this week analyzing both the modern American Time Use Survey, and time diary studies from 1965. Fathers, as you can imagine, do a lot less childcare and housework than mothers. They also watch more TV.

But there’s another story in the numbers, too, particularly when you look at changes in how fathers spend their time since 1965. Back then, a father’s “second shift” — his combined housework and childcare time — was a grand total of 6.5 hours per week. These days, it’s up to 17 hours. In other words, dads have almost tripled their household workload over the last 50 years. And the most fascinating part is that many dads still don’t feel like they’re doing enough. While the Pew survey found that only 23 percent of moms say they spend too little time with their kids, 46 percent of men think that. While 73 percent of moms say they are doing an excellent or very good job at parenting, only 64 percent of fathers say the same.

In other words, there’s been a sea change in how men think a good father spends his time. While men in the past thought their duty was to support their kids financially — full stop — modern men feel differently. They show this both in how they spend their hours, and their expectations of themselves.

This has ramifications for people managing and trying to lead employees of both genders.

Real Men

by Clayton Craddock • March 15, 2013 • 0 Comments

….and real women aren’t offended when we do it

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