Who’s Lying, Who’s Self-Justifying? Origins of the He Said/She Said Gap in Sexual Allegations

 

The Woody Allen sex scandal of 2013 triggered a national conversation on who to believe, with people lining up on each side as if they knew what really happened. Based on recent research on how people navigate the often tricky waters of sexual negotiation, Dr. Carol Tavris shows that it is entirely possible in some sexual assault cases neither side is lying, but instead both sides feel justified in their positions. This talk was considered one of the best ever given at The Amazing Meeting.

 

What Makes a Woman?

The “I was born in the wrong body” rhetoric favored by other trans people doesn’t work any better and is just as offensive, reducing us to our collective breasts and vaginas. Imagine the reaction if a young white man suddenly declared that he was trapped in the wrong body and, after using chemicals to change his skin pigmentation and crocheting his hair into twists, expected to be embraced by the black community.

Why don’t we #AskRachel about this?

  Credit Julie Doucet

An excerpt:

Do women and men have different brains?

Back when Lawrence H. Summers was president of Harvard and suggested that they did, the reaction was swift and merciless. Pundits branded him sexist. Faculty members deemed him a troglodyte. Alumni withheld donations.

But when Bruce Jenner said much the same thing in an April interview with Diane Sawyer, he was lionized for his bravery, even for his progressivism.

“My brain is much more female than it is male,” he told her, explaining how he knew that he was transgender.

This was the prelude to a new photo spread and interview in Vanity Fair that offered us a glimpse into Caitlyn Jenner’s idea of a woman: a cleavage-boosting corset, sultry poses, thick mascara and the prospect of regular “girls’ nights” of banter about hair and makeup. Ms. Jenner was greeted with even more thunderous applause. ESPN announced it would give Ms. Jenner an award for courage. President Obama also praised her. Not to be outdone, Chelsea Manning hopped on Ms. Jenner’s gender train on Twitter, gushing, “I am so much more aware of my emotions; much more sensitive emotionally (and physically).”

A part of me winced.

I have fought for many of my 68 years against efforts to put women — our brains, our hearts, our bodies, even our moods — into tidy boxes, to reduce us to hoary stereotypes. Suddenly, I find that many of the people I think of as being on my side — people who proudly call themselves progressive and fervently support the human need for self-determination — are buying into the notion that minor differences in male and female brains lead to major forks in the road and that some sort of gendered destiny is encoded in us.
That’s the kind of nonsense that was used to repress women for centuries. But the desire to support people like Ms. Jenner and their journey toward their truest selves has strangely and unwittingly brought it back.
People who haven’t lived their whole lives as women, whether Ms. Jenner or Mr. Summers, shouldn’t get to define us. That’s something men have been doing for much too long. And as much as I recognize and endorse the right of men to throw off the mantle of maleness, they cannot stake their claim to dignity as transgender people by trampling on mine as a woman.

Their truth is not my truth. Their female identities are not my female identity. They haven’t traveled through the world as women and been shaped by all that this entails. They haven’t suffered through business meetings with men talking to their breasts or woken up after sex terrified they’d forgotten to take their birth control pills the day before. They haven’t had to cope with the onset of their periods in the middle of a crowded subway, the humiliation of discovering that their male work partners’ checks were far larger than theirs, or the fear of being too weak to ward off rapists.

For me and many women, feminist and otherwise, one of the difficult parts of witnessing and wanting to rally behind the movement for transgender rights is the language that a growing number of trans individuals insist on, the notions of femininity that they’re articulating, and their disregard for the fact that being a woman means having accrued certain experiences, endured certain indignities and relished certain courtesies in a culture that reacted to you as one.

Brains are a good place to begin because one thing that science has learned about them is that they’re in fact shaped by experience, cultural and otherwise. The part of the brain that deals with navigation is enlarged in London taxi drivers, as is the region dealing with the movement of the fingers of the left hand in right-handed violinists.

“You can’t pick up a brain and say ‘that’s a girl’s brain’ or ‘that’s a boy’s brain,’ ” Gina Rippon, a neuroscientist at Britain’s Aston University, told The Telegraph last year. The differences between male and female brains are caused by the “drip, drip, drip” of the gendered environment, she said.

THE drip, drip, drip of Ms. Jenner’s experience included a hefty dose of male privilege few women could possibly imagine. While young “Bruiser,” as Bruce Jenner was called as a child, was being cheered on toward a university athletic scholarship, few female athletes could dare hope for such largess since universities offered little funding for women’s sports. When Mr. Jenner looked for a job to support himself during his training for the 1976 Olympics, he didn’t have to turn to the meager “Help Wanted – Female” ads in the newspapers, and he could get by on the $9,000 he earned annually, unlike young women whose median pay was little more than half that of men. Tall and strong, he never had to figure out how to walk streets safely at night.

Those are realities that shape women’s brains.

By defining womanhood the way he did to Ms. Sawyer, Mr. Jenner and the many advocates for transgender rights who take a similar tack ignore those realities. In the process, they undermine almost a century of hard-fought arguments that the very definition of female is a social construct that has subordinated us. And they undercut our efforts to change the circumstances we grew up with.

The “I was born in the wrong body” rhetoric favored by other trans people doesn’t work any better and is just as offensive, reducing us to our collective breasts and vaginas. Imagine the reaction if a young white man suddenly declared that he was trapped in the wrong body and, after using chemicals to change his skin pigmentation and crocheting his hair into twists, expected to be embraced by the black community.

Many women I know, of all ages and races, speak privately about how insulting we find the language trans activists use to explain themselves. After Mr. Jenner talked about his brain, one friend called it an outrage and asked in exasperation, “Is he saying that he’s bad at math, weeps during bad movies and is hard-wired for empathy?” After the release of the Vanity Fair photos of Ms. Jenner, Susan Ager, a Michigan journalist, wrote on her Facebook page, “I fully support Caitlyn Jenner, but I wish she hadn’t chosen to come out as a sex babe.”

For the most part, we bite our tongues and do not express the anger we openly and rightly heaped on Mr. Summers, put off by the mudslinging match that has broken out on the radical fringes of both the women’s and the trans movements over events limited to “women-born women,” access to bathrooms and who has suffered the greater persecution. The insult and outright fear that trans men and women live with is all too familiar to us, and a cruelly marginalized group’s battle for justice is something we instinctively want to rally behind.

But as the movement becomes mainstream, it’s growing harder to avoid asking pointed questions about the frequent attacks by some trans leaders on women’s right to define ourselves, our discourse and our bodies. After all, the trans movement isn’t simply echoing African-Americans, Chicanos, gays or women by demanding an end to the violence and discrimination, and to be treated with a full measure of respect. It’s demanding that women reconceptualize ourselves.

Read the entire piece HERE

Better or worse?

Honest questions:
Many thought things were going to get better for people who looked like the brown skinned man and his even browner skinned wife now live in the White House. 
Have things gotten better or is this more of the same…or have things gotten worse?
Do you feel that things will get better for those born with the XX chromosome and female reproductive parts (I have to be specific nowadays) if there is a person born female in the White House?

Better meaning economic stability, spiritually, educational achievement, social status, physical health and well being.
Discuss

Can she consent to sex after drinking?

Can a woman consent to sex when she’s been drinking?
 
Universities have decided that the answer is no. “We heard that students don’t understand that it is illegal to have sex with someone who is drunk because they can’t give consent,” says the Saint Mary’s task force report. Although that sentence is crafted to be gender-neutral, its warning is directed at men. It means that drunken sex is tantamount to rape.

Is there a double standard here? Indeed there is.

Men are treated as potential rapists, and women as their helpless victims (or, in current parlance, “survivors”). If two young people get hammered and have drunken sex, he is responsible for his behaviour, but she’s not responsible for hers. And even if she does say “yes,” it’s up to him to figure out whether she means it.
As Wayne MacKay, the law professor who wrote the Saint Mary’s report, told Maclean’s: “Clearly the focus needs to be on the fact that men need to have a better understanding and stop raping.”

Let’s be clear about a few things. Obviously, someone who is passed out or barely conscious cannot consent to sex. Men, who have physical size and strength on their side, have an extra duty to rein in their disinhibitions whether they are under the influence or not. And some men really are predators who deliberately target women.

But the truth is that a great deal of alcoholic sex basically involves “stuff I wouldn’t have done if I was sober.” Once upon a time, a young adult woman might regard such an encounter as an unfortunate learning experience and move on. Today, she’s told it’s a devastating trauma that’s not her fault.

According to authorities, sexual assault on campus is ubiquitous. One typical claim, made by University of Windsor psychologist Charlene Senn in The Globe and Mail is that the rate of rape or attempted rape ranges between 18 per cent and 24 per cent. “Add in harassment, groping and sexual coercion, and the percentage of female students who say in surveys that they experience this behaviour during their college years rises to 60 per cent,” the story said.

The belief that universities are hotbeds of sexual violence is fuelled by inflated statistics that are widely repeated as the gospel truth. For example, the widespread claim that one in five female students is sexually assaulted comes from the Campus Sexual Assault Study, a survey of more than 5,000 U.S. university women. Like many such studies, it stretches the definition of assault to the breaking point. The vast majority of the incidents it records involved alcohol.

But the vast majority of the women who reported these incidents did not believe they had been raped – even in cases that involved penetration. Two thirds of the women didn’t think these incidents were serious enough to report to the authorities. (Journalist Cathy Young has analyzed this study in detail and written at length about it.)

The consequences of this phony rape scare are troubling. On some U.S. campuses, due process has been thrown out the window. Men accused of sexual assault are deemed guilty until proven innocent, and some have been expelled.

Even the Obama administration has weighed in, announcing a White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault. California is considering legislation that would codify the doctrine of “affirmative consent” on campus. Universities everywhere are busy setting up more task forces, awareness sessions and sexual-violence response teams, while demonizing the allegedly toxic jock culture of male athletics.

The manufacture of “rape culture” is a triumph of ideology over substance. It has inflated a serious but uncommon threat into a crime wave. It infantilizes women, strips them of their agency and treats them like Victorian damsels in distress.

As for those armies of would-be rapists lurking in every shadow – they’re your sons, your grandsons, your nephews and your brothers.
I used to think the war on men was an exaggeration. I don’t think so any more.

Read the entire piece here: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-debate/can-she-consent-to-sex-after-drinking/article17158564/

Angel Soft and their horrible advertisement about celebrating mothers on Father’s Day

I certainly know ONE brand of products I refuse to buy. Angel Soft. You can forget it.

Let me repeat a truth. A truth that people on the PC Express refuse to understand….Mothers can NEVER be fathers and fathers can never be mothers.

Here are more realities that are lost on a certain segment of our population:

Rachel Dolezal is NOT black..and will never be black, African, Dominican..Chinese…whatever. Never! That olympian from 1976 still has full male reproductive parts, as far as we know – therefore still, biologically male. Left is not right. 1+1 does not equal 3. Up is not down.

I’m not on the PC Express. I got off years ago. I really am sick of political correctness and am calling BS when I see from now on. In fact, I hope I offend as many people as possible by telling the truth, even if it hurts. Especially, if they actually agree with the message in this advertisement.

Hallmark holidays are stupid. I just want to state that up front. Two years ago, I wrote about how ridiculous saying “Happy Father’s Day” to moms was. You can read that piece HERE. I stand by every word I said in that post and I will repeat it again over and over and over again.

Hey Angel Soft? Where was the Happy Mother’s Day ad for father’s last month? Oh you didn’t make one? I didn’t think so.

 

You know what I’d like to see?

I’d like to see those on the PC Express be consistent. I want a teary eyed commercial for me. Father numero Uno. I want a tearjerker next year from actors who want to talk about how amazing their dad was. How about a tear jerker commercial about the mother who took the kids away from their father (with the assistance of the police and the family court system), but thanks to the herculean effort and persistence of their father, he was awarded full custody due to the years of documented physical/emotional and psychological abuse handed down by their mother? How about a tear jerker commercial for the father who took care of two kids from DAY ONE and knew exactly how to raise a kid…because he just knew and is a damn good man? How about the tear jerker commercial for the widower who has to work full time and raise three kids on his own?

How about just leaving us alone for one day and giving us credit for being who we are?

Who are we? We are strong, passionate, caring, loving, stern, supportive, mistake prone, biologically/emotionally/spiritually connected and perpetually bonded…FATHERS!!

Cherese Jackson wrote in The Guardian last week:

The concept of Father’s Day was inspired by a single dad who embraced the challenge of raising his six children alone after his wife died. By including mothers who are single on a day designed for fathers helps the male role in the child’s life become further devalued. Men who are involved in the upbringing of their children should be honored, celebrated and appreciated; not undervalued. Mother’s Day is always in May and, for those that do not know, Single Parents’ Day is in March.

To spread the “love” to single moms on Father’s Day is not as empowering as it might seem. Contrariwise it capitalizes on a self-inflicted wound and stunts the process of healing. The truth is parents should be honored and appreciated every day in their respective roles.

This is not a personal issue it is a community crisis that leads a woman to believe she can do the job of a man. No matter how courageous a woman is, just as many men who are left to raise their children alone are not mothers; the role of the father is not one that can be filled by a woman. This does not take any credit away from the “Wonder Woman” that she is and the hard work she invests in taking care of her family. These things just make her an amazingly strong woman but biologically not a father.

By all means as a society we should continue to find ways to strengthen, empower and honor single women who continue to hold it down for their families. They deserve honor for their extreme commitment and dedication – just not as an equal to a male on Father’s Day, this day is for men.

I’m so sick of this kind of pandering to women. It infuriates me. I already know millions of men out there feel the exact same way as I do. We are tired of it. We took care of Huggies before. We’ll take care of this nonsense too.

Moms? Sorry, you have your own Hallmark Holiday. It’s called Mothers Day. Celebrate whatever you want at that time. Leave the day to celebrate men, masculinity and fatherhood for Father’s Day.

Angel Soft and their parent corporation (Georgia-Pacific) will be receiving a plethora of hate mail in the next few days. There better be an apology. I want the CEO to send a youtube video of him crying like a little boy. Crying like a little boy so upset because he misses his father and wants to spend fathers day with him but can’t. How about THAT!!

When that happens, maybe we’ll get back to reality. Until then, I’m looking forward to counting the number of injured people because of the derailment of the PC Express train. Good Grief!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf6D3UjqbkQ

 

 

 

 

 

As if teachers’ jobs aren’t hard enough, they’re asked to fix poverty, too

Big ideas in public education, such as the Obama administration’s Race to the Top and Teach For America, often say teachers could improve inequality. Dana Goldstein, author of The Teacher Wars, sat down with us to explain why this is magical thinking that’s been around since the 1800s.

For more on public education reform, Goldstein also contributed a feature to Vox on how Teach For America is starting to seriously reform after 20 years of criticism.

http://www.vox.com/2014/9/5/6079493/t…

Subscribe to our channel! http://www.youtube.com/subscription_c…

Vox.com is news website that helps you cut through the noise and understand what’s really driving the events in the headlines. Check out http://www.vox.com to get up to speed on everything from Kurdistan to the Kim Kardashian app.

Follow Vox on Twitter: https://twitter.com/voxdotcom
Or on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Vox