I Love Men, But I’m Thinking of Having a Baby Without One

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Another selfish woman…another fatherless child. Sad.

From Yahoo.com

On the best days of my life, and the cruelest hours of the night, I have always had an inner-meditation: I am excited about the future. However, this summer, when I turned 37, while licking the wounds of yet another rough breakup, my mantra didn’t seem to be working. I suddenly felt a lot less poised about the one thing that had always mattered most: motherhood.

Nothing could change the fact that I would never be a young mom like my own — one of the million things I worshipped about her and had hoped to emulate; but, much more disturbing, as I took a relationship inventory I realized that as my longing for motherhood had grown over the years, my taste in men had apparently gone way off-script. None of my boyfriends had ever wanted children, or wanted children with me; they were often children themselves, or did not safely belong anywhere near innocence.

With the men I love and those who love me back — the artists, the exotic, the electric, guys my girlfriend refers to as “men with a high degree of difficulty” — any passive-aggressive, poorly communicated suggestion that we shift from “pull-and-pray” to “stay-and-pray” has only caused fighting and hysteria … even years into the relationships, even when I was engaged. Ultimately, my looming desire for motherhood factored into all the bad breakups, and I always regretted pushing so hard.

In between relationships, I developed a lot of baby shame. I convinced myself that wanting kids continually ruined everything; that I was luring these men in with promises of romance and recklessness, then sucker punching them with some whiny wannabe-housewife whom they didn’t recognize and couldn’t wait to shed. I hated her; she scared them all away. Although, I never figured out why — in their eyes — I wasn’t allowed to have sensuality, joie de vivre, AND ovaries and a biological clock. But it seemed like I had to choose: Be the girl who fucks or be the girl who breeds.

Obviously, none of these guys were meant to be, for reasons beyond baby-making. But wanting kids so damn badly also felt like a violation of cool-girl code. Smart, sexual, self-sufficient women aren’t supposed to have anxiety about these things! I mean, is there anything less Gloria Steinem than losing your shit over the ticking clock? Modern women are supposed to have well-hung lovers, exasperating girlfriends, and Saarinen tulip chairs (check, check, check); we’re not supposed to pray that our fibroids shrink, take prenatal vitamins like Valium, and work our Ovia app like a Carrie Mathison mission.

And yet: I can’t change who I am. I want to create life. I want to be someone’s mom. But which road do I take, at 37.5, with a history of falling for the sweet and vicious, to get there?

Click here to read the rest of the article.

#Manspreading

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An excerpt from this article by Cathy Young, a regular contributor to Reason magazine and Real Clear Politics: http://www.newsday.com/opinion/columnists/cathy-young/manspreading-but-women-hog-subway-space-too-cathy-young-1.9776186

As we enter 2015, the latest feminist crusade seems to come straight from the life-imitates-satire department. It has everything one could want in a caricature of feminism: petty grievances, gleeful male-bashing, egregious double standards. And it also seems to have the official blessing of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority. It’s the war on “manspreading,” the male habit of sitting with legs apart and (supposedly) taking up too much space on the subway.

Gripes about this alleged offense have been cropping up on feminist blogs for a couple of years. Now it is the target of a new public service ad campaign. MTA posters will show a figure seated with wide-open legs next to two standing passengers, with the tagline, “Dude . . . Stop the spread, please. It’s a space issue.”

Of course, hogging space in a crowded subway car is rude and inconsiderate. But are men really the worst offenders? After years of subway riding, I can say I’ve never noticed this to be the case. Neither have some of my female friends in New York City; others have said that while they’ve noticed male leg-spread, women can be just as bad with purses and shopping bags.

See the above photo^^^

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The anti-spread campaign has little to do with etiquette. It’s part of a recent surge in a noxious form of feminism — or pseudo feminism — preoccupied with male misbehavior, no matter how trivial. The activists believe that “man-sitting,” as it has also been dubbed, is a matter of male entitlement, display of power or even sexual harassment. That says far more about feminist paranoia than it does about male conduct.

This brand of feminism is not about equality; it’s about shaming directed at males, as the subway seating issue makes abundantly clear. Even the word “manspreading,” with its nasty and somewhat obscene overtones, is a gender-based slur. Imagine the reaction if men took photos of inconsiderate women with large purses or shopping bags and posted them with exhortations to “stop the womanspread.” You can bet such activism would not get positive media coverage or a sympathetic response from the MTA.

A public service campaign against space-hogging — and other forms of incivility on the subway — would be welcome. Selective male-shaming is not. Stop the bashing, please; it’s a human issue.

Read the entire article HERE

What to think about while looking for your soul mate -a.k.a. THE ONE

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More food for thought by Matt Walsh. The original and full article is HERE: http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/i-didnt-marry-the-one-she-become-the-one-after-i-married-her/

We think that our task is to find this preordained partner and marry them because, after all, they’re “The One.” They were designed for us, for us and only us. It’s written in the stars, prescribed in the cosmos, commanded by God or Mother Earth. There are six or seven billion people in the world, but only one of them is the right one, we think, and we’ll stay single until we happen to stumble into them one day.

And when that day happens, when The One — our soul mate, our match, our spirit-twin — comes barreling into our lives to whisk us off our feet and take us on canoe rides and deliver impassioned romantic monologues on a beach in the rain or in a bus station or whatever, then we’ll finally be happy. Happy until the end of time. We can get married and have a perfect union; a Facebook Photo Marriage, where every day is like an Instragam of you and your spouse wearing comfortable socks and sitting next to the fireplace drinking Starbucks lattes.

Yeah. About that. It’s bull crap, sorry. Not just silly, frivolous bull crap, but bull crap that will destroy you and eat your marriage alive from the inside. It’s a lie. A vicious, cynical lie that leads only to disappointment and confusion. The Marriage of Destiny is a facade, but the good news is that Real Marriage is something so much more loving, joyful, and true.

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….We make our spouses into our soul mates by marrying them. We don’t simply recognize that they are soul mates and then just sort of symbolically consecrate that recognition through what would then be an effectively meaningless marriage sacrament. Instead, we find another unique, dynamic, wholly individualized human being, and we make the monumental, supernatural decision to bind ourselves to them for eternity.

It’s a bold and risky move, no matter how you look at it. It’s important to recognize this, not so that you can run away like a petrified little puppy and never tie the knot with anyone, but so that you can go into marriage knowing, at least to some extent, what you’re really doing. This person wasn’t made for you. It wasn’t “designed” to be. There will be some parts of your relationship that are incongruous and conflicting. It won’t all click together like a set of Legos, as you might expect if you think this coupling was fated in the stars.

It’s funny that people get divorced and often cite “irreconcilable differences.” Well what did they think was going to happen? Did they think every difference would be reconcilable? Did they think every bit of contention between them could be perfectly and permanently solved

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We are the protagonists of our love story, not the spectators.

There’s no doubt that certain personality types might gel better with you; you might have a few specific traits and characteristics you’re looking for in a mate. It’s good to have standards, obviously. I’m not saying that you should just throw yourself into the mosh pit and say, “hey, I have no soul mate so I’ll just marry anyone! Who’s game?”

But I am saying that, if you’re single, there are probably hundreds of options out there. None of them soul mates, but all of them possibly potential soul mates. You don’t have to sift around for that one custom made, personalized grain of sand in the desert. You’ll be alone forever if you do that, and you don’t have to be alone forever.

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There’s a very real danger inherent in the “there’s only one particular person out there for you” mentality. Think about it. If you are “meant” for one specific person, who’s to say when and if you’ve met them? Who’s to say that the person you married is them? And who’s to say that you don’t get married and then, just like that, someone moves in next door, or you get a new coworker at the office, or you run into someone at the grocery store, or you lock eyes with the cashier at Trader Joe’s and all of a sudden you realize that this is your real soul mate, the person you were “supposed” to marry?

Read the entire piece HERE

I’m NOT Charlie Hebdo

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This sums up most of my feelings about Charlie Hebdo. An excerpt from this article: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/01/09/trolls-and-martyrdom-je-ne-suis-pas-charlie.html?via=desktop&source=twitter

TROLLS AND MARTYRDOM: JE NE SUIS PAS CHARLIE
BY ARTHUR CHU

Charlie Hebdo weren’t asking to be shot. They were asking for a reaction, though, and for half a century now they’ve been surviving pretty much on the notoriety of constantly trying to provoke a reaction. And let’s be real: pushing buttons, by itself, doesn’t make your work more virtuous. Pissing people off is just pissing people off.

Just like there’s no sense in which The Interview “justified” hacking Sony’s servers or “justified” threats of violence against moviegoers. But the reason The Interview, ultimately, wasn’t a movie worth seeing is the same reason that being able to see it became a big political statement—because there wasn’t much to the movie except trolling.

The publication that was their life’s work was a crappy low-tech dead-tree version of the obnoxious anti-religion memes on /r/atheism.

We have a problem where we feel like everything has to be boiled down into black-and-white “sides” and where the enemy of your enemy must be your friend—where in order to condemn the actions of horrible murderers we have to elevate their victims into sainthood. Hence fervent debate over whether or not Mike Brown stole five dollars’ worth of cigars, as though that has any bearing on whether or not it was okay to shoot him.

Well, it wasn’t okay to shoot Mike Brown even if he was a shoplifter. It wasn’t okay to threaten to shoot viewers of The Interview even if it was a crass, substance-free comedy designed to get PR by shaking a hornet’s nest from a safe perch across the Pacific Ocean.

And it definitely was not okay in the slightest to murder the staff of Charlie Hebdo, even if the publication that was their life’s work was a crappy low-tech dead-tree version of the obnoxious anti-religion memes on /r/atheism.

Why, some might be asking, am I being so harsh on their work so soon after they died? Why can’t I wait until the period of mourning has passed before pointing out that the blood of a martyr doesn’t make stupid, puerile, and, yes, racist work any less stupid, puerile and racist?

Well, it would be hypocritical to treat Charlie Hebdo with that degree of reverence when they themselves refused to do so for any of the targets of their satire. They’re only even called Charlie Hebdo as an inside joke after the original publication, Hara-Kiri Hebdo, got shut down for mocking former President Charles de Gaulle immediately after his death.

More to the point, the Internet is already busy at work deifying Charlie Hebdo as the new Satanic Verses and Charb as the new Salman Rushdie. People are changing their profile photos to crude, racist caricatures of Middle Easterners in solidarity with the principle of “free speech” and the average person’s Twitter feed is one-half gleefully “irreverent” reposts of offensive cartoons and one-half cloyingly reverent tributes to said cartoons.

And any Middle Eastern or Muslim person who objects, even in the mildest possible terms, gets dogpiled for siding with the terrorists, natch.

Personally, I can’t just let that slide. You see, I’m from the Internet. Things move pretty fast here compared to the “old media” world that Charlie Hebdo occupied, and I’ve already seen what happens when you get a culture that, rather than asking to what end we defend free speech, valorizes free speech for its own sake and thus perversely values speech more the more pointlessly offensive it is—because only then can you prove how devoted you are to freedom by defending it.

When the only thing you’re reverent of is irreverence, when the only thing you hold sacred is the idea that nothing is sacred, well, you eventually get chan culture, you get one long continuous blast of pure offensiveness and taboo-breaking for taboo-breaking’s sake until all taboos are broken and there’s nothing left to say. You get people who shout racial slurs in unbroken succession all day and think they’ve accomplished something in the name of “free speech” by doing so.

Read the entire piece HERE

The Father Project

An excerpt from this article: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5398922

Four years ago The Father Project was born and I took to my Facebook page to document my journey. I carried a picture of my father or something to remind me of him each day. I spoke to his friends and siblings intending to understand his world and how he became the violent, unhappy man I knew him to be. I interviewed fathers who are present, protective, and loving toward their spouses and children to have a greater understanding of what conscious and mature love can be. I visited my father’s gravesite, which I had not done since his death. Each day I wrote I in my journal, nurtured the little girl within me who needed love, and reached out to men who I had mistreated.

This journey helped me understand and fully grasp the power of being a woman and what that means to our children. My anger and unhappiness acted as invisible agent, informing and influencing everyone in my environment. Nothing could thrive in my space. I awakened to the influence women have in our world, even when we see ourselves as victims and powerless. I came to see the split from my ex was not the source for my anger but a light shining upon it. This discovery assisted me in taking responsibility for my participation and creation in the current breakdown my son’s father and I were experiencing. The results were not miraculous, but within a month’s time, I had begun the process of shifting my unconscious behavior, healing my anger, and nurturing myself. I started extending myself to my son’s father, and within about a year our relationship completely transformed. The inner work I’d done allowed me to soften and to listen better. For years I’d wanted to hear him apologize, but after completing The Father Project, it no longer mattered.

In honor of my distraught friend and the children who suffer because of their parents’ anger and distrust, I will be facilitating The Father Project starting this week. All women who yearn to have healthy relationships with their fathers and their children’s fathers are welcome. I even welcome women who are currently experiencing healthy relationships with men to offer a model for those of us who struggle. There is no investment, other than a willingness and sincere desire to shift the energy within our hearts, so that our children may experience harmony between their parents. My role will be to facilitate healing and forgiveness, and to encourage the parties to find a place of peace within.

Read more HERE

Micro-aggression: Victims Frantically Search For Offense

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Micro-aggression: a form of “unintended discrimination.” It is depicted by the use of known social norms of behavior and/or expression that, while without conscious choice of the user, has the same effect as conscious, intended discrimination” – from wikipedia

The definition of this theory is seriously flawed because “aggression” already has a meaning. Micro-aggression, as a word, implies that there are small acts of aggression. When we start to examine this extreme liberal theory and begin to dissect it, the truth is that many of these acts are not aggression, but attempts at good will. The use of the word places its claimant in a defensive stance against an attack, which is often not the case. The word invites and promotes a victim frame, which automatically implies that the incoming item is an attack whether it is or is not.

As college student’s claims of racial and gender mistreatment grow ever more disconnected from reality, college administrators have abdicated their responsibility to cultivate an adult sense of perspective and common sense in their students. They are running scared and walking on eggshells. Instead, they are creating ever more emotionally fragile individuals who appear to be injured by the slightest collisions with real life. The effects appear to be long term and will affect us for years to come. This is the case with “rape culture,” “trigger warnings,” “safe spaces,” and “micro-aggressions.”

Whoever codified the term micro-aggression appears to have done so from a victim mindset. They seem to have roped in things that were not aggression by any stretch of the word. It’s understandable to feel like a victim if you’ve just been jabbed, but in life, we encounter all kinds of jabs, literal and figurative; many of which are unfortunate but also unintentional and non-malicious. For instance; getting elbowed at a rowdy concert, or bonked in the nose by someone who is trying to kiss you. You might get hurt temporarily, but you roll with it because that is life. We are surrounded by things like this every day. Fetishizing these types of instances under an inaccurate label gives artificial extra weight to a victimization mindset and is disingenuous and inflammatory.

Here is an excerpt from an excellent editorial by Wendy McElroy originally posted to this site: http://www.thedailybell.com/editorials/35979/Wendy-McElroy-Victims-Frantically-Search-For-Offense/?uuid=6F812338-5056-9627-3C59347FF3CE9388

She’s great and right on point

Microaggression. The word may soon be knocking on your door to demand supplication or another form of payment. Microaggression is the new politically correct campaign being launched by “disadvantaged” elites who are running out of even vaguely real transgressions to complain about.

What You Can Expect to Be Accused Of

Microaggression is unintended discrimination that demeans the “disadvantaged” even if the perpetrator does not intend to do so and is well-meaning. Coined in 1970 by Harvard psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce, it described unconscious racial insults delivered by whites to minorities. An example is a white teacher who asks a black student if he needs help with a math problem.

The concept includes micro-insults or insensitive communication such as asking an Asian coworker where she comes from; the question allegedly suggests she is a foreigner and not a true American. It also includes micro-invalidations that negate the feelings or reality of a black, such as speaking well of Southern cooking; the comment allegedly suggests an approval of past slavery. These behaviors lead to micro-inequities; the behaviors are conveyed through unconscious messages that allegedly devalue the “disadvantaged” in the subtle communication of facial expressions, gestures, tone, word choice, nuance and syntax.

In 1973, MIT economist Mary Rowe expanded Pierce’s term to focus on discrimination against women. A classic example of microaggression against women is using the pronoun “he” to indicate people in general when it is also a gender-specific term. Merely substituting the pronoun “she,” however, is microaggression as well because it sweeps the insult of the original situation under the rug.

The “disadvantaged” now include racial minorities, women, sexual minorities, the poor, the disabled … that is, any group considered to be marginalized. It includes almost everyone but white males or any white female who disagrees with political correctness.

Who You Can Expect to Accuse You

A predictable vector of transmission is PC feminism. And, as with the current gender insanity, it will begin on campuses. In fact, it already has. But seeing microaggression in everyone everywhere is not limited to feminists.

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Why the Utter Madness?

A seeming simply question, the answer is multi-layered. Addressing just two aspects of the madness:

1) “There are no objective definitions to words and phrases.” Without becoming philosophical or providing details, this statement comes from the belief that there is no reality whatsoever beyond what is constructed by the culture through its language, texts, history, assumptions of biological sexuality, philosophy, legal theory, etc. Objectivity and conclusions through reason and evidence do not exist; only the subject narrative presented by voices exists. In order to radically change society, it is necessary to deconstruct the current narrative and replace it with a desirable one; it is necessary for their voices to be the ones that are heard. The deconstructionist approach dates back to the postmodern philosopher Jacques Derrida and has been adopted in a wholesale, cartoon version by gender feminism.

2) Politically-correct victims are desperate to preserve their own victimhood. In terms of gender feminism, this means preserving the myth of the “rape culture”; this is a culture that so profoundly encourages rape, “rape” becomes the one word defining the culture. This may be an appropriate description of Afghanistan but it is palpably untrue of North America. In order to sustain the myth, therefore, it is necessary to define more and more innocuous behavior as sexual assault so that words, attitudes and other non-violence become assault. Equally, in order to sustain the myth that the “disadvantaged” are being constantly victimized, it is necessary to define more and more innocuous behavior as acts of violence. Or, even worse, the need for definition is being trashed and a victim now self-defines him- or herself by an entirely subjective standard.

As insane and vicious as it seem to reasonable and decent people, micro-aggression is the new cutting edge of political correctness and its subset of gender feminism.

Conclusion

The claim of microaggression is a justification for censorship and social control. To advocates, the slightest hint of insult becomes evidence of epidemic oppression in society. What you say, what you don’t say, when you do not show up either to speak or stay silent … all of these can be evidence of microaggression. That is, as long as the act or non-act is committed by a white male or by someone who disagrees with the PC theory of victimhood.

Read the entire piece HERE