Intercourse, carnal knowledge, lovemaking, knocking boots, coitus, SEX! is everything 16 year old me imagined plus a little whipped cream on top. (Whipped cream, see what I did there?) And once Riley and I got married there was lots and lots and lots of it. Then we had a baby and I really was just so tired my bones hurt. And for a while I did feel fat. Even after I lost the pregnancy weight everything just looked different. Like a cut flower that has been left out in the sun, still lovely just a little…wilted. I became a little distant. We started to fall asleep without talking or kissing.
Then one day while washing dishes, I realized that we had gone eight days without touching each other. Eight days was a quite some time for us. But the thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn’t missed it. And I knew that was a problem. So that night after we put the baby to bed, I gave Riley my best come hither glance. Yes, I was tired and felt about as desirable as the “feed the birds” lady in Mary Poppins. But while drying the dishes, it occurred to me that 16 year old Meg must have understood something about sex that 20-something Meg had forgotten. And maybe, just maybe it was worth remembering.
Without further ado here are five reasons you should have sex with your husband every night:
1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser, too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.
2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950′s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.
3. You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.
In terms of being a public nuisance she kinda wins with her big mouth. ‘ sure most passengers don’t wanna hear her ranting anymore than they wanna hear his bible thumping. And by the way…THIS..is why I don’t ride the trains here in New York City. I despise it. This appears to me like this episode can be defined as…ummmm….harassment…street, subway and ear harassment…and eyeball harassment too. New Yorkers, you can have your mariachi bands, your preachers, your breakdancers, your people who eat dinner on the way to work, your loud earphone blasting, filthy dirty nasty ugly crowded experience on that thing they call the Iron Horse. I’m going to enjoy my “car privilege” and I’m driving EVERYWHERE (except on Saturdays when I have to play a matinée in midtown. Yuk!
You know what’s funny? Some are actually calling preaching the word of GOD “hate speech.” Figures. Anything that is not part of the anarchist totalitarian left-wing man hating cult is “Hate Speech.” …and some wonder why the election turned out the way it did on Tuesday. I know why.
No…everyone is not part of the extreme left….sorry! It is too bad religious folk don’t speak up and stop bending over backwards. I’m not the one to do it because I am not part of any religion. If she got in my face about something I really cared about, started spewing some nonsense and yelling, she will have met her match. Why be scared of challenging people like her in public, online or in person?
Just because you are loud does not make your argument any more persuasive or right. It is interesting how people scream “you don’t have a right” but somehow think they do have a right? This guy, regardless of what he’s spewing, has a right to do it. So does she. But somehow, in the HER mind, only what they say is valid.
There are now two videos making the rounds on the information superhighway. A few days ago it was that video of children using the F word for that radical ideological cult they call gender feminism. FCKH8 used shocking images, inflammatory and incorrect statistics to sell t-shirts. Now we have a woman, clearly using black and brown men as props, to spread hate and distrust. The people behind this video, Hollaback, want to perpetuate the gender war so that people can donate to yet another organization hell-bent on demonizing men.
This was a set up and people fell for it. I feel these organizations attempt to attract attention in ways that are repulsive. Hollaback does their own agenda injustice by posting this video and calling the actions we see here “street harassment.”
Have you even looked into the concept of street harassment? I have. It is just more nonsense from fringe members of the cult of man haters. Until the actions rise to the legal definition of sexual harassment, catcalls will remain an annoying fact of life for some attractive women in our country.
Men who don’t have high status, money or position to entice and woo women tend to use low investment strategies in the pursuit of the opposite sex. It costs them nothing to catcall. It is completely free. They might stand in the street for days and be on the hunt for women and catcall. Some women in certain neighborhoods turn around and smile, they laugh, they giggle. To these men, this is seen as an open door and they eventually get a phone number or two. They achieved very high return for a minimal investment.
This happens often in places like the ones shown in the video. Over the past few days I’ve heard from women who have actually said “no woman likes catcalling.” They are completely wrong. Today, men have real options. Women in many communities in New York City are available and interested in getting attention from men through catcalling. Do I condone this behavior? No. Do I understand it? Yes. If it just works once, a man like this knows it will work again if he keeps trying. Low risk-high return.
Harassment is a crime. No crimes were committed within this video. Is catcalling annoying? Yes. Is it a crime? NO! Therefore, what is being described and depicted as harassment is really subjective annoyance, and annoyance is not a crime. All of the men I saw in the video above seemed to be variations of the same man from the same neighborhood. There was not an accurate representation of life in New York depicted here. It might have been more representative of certain people who live in those communities.
In this video, there were no threats made, no requests for sexual favors, no graphic descriptions of explicit sexual acts, no attempts to physically impede her movement. The majority of the men here were being complimentary, friendly and behaving well within their first amendment rights. In short, the men were behaving consistent with their gender role as the pursuer and initiator. The one man who was supposedly following her for 5 minutes was being rude and was way out of line, but let me tell you, my girlfriend gets approached ALL THE TIME. I expect this because she is beautiful. When a man compliments my girlfriend or attempts to catcall, a simple “thank you” or “no thanks” is the response she uses when she does not want to engage. It acknowledges them and shuts them down. Some keep trying, but she keeps moving towards her destination. She understands how it feels to be catcalled, but knows how to handle herself in this city. It is the same approach anyone uses when bombarded by people on the street here in Manhattan when they are trying to sell you something. You either ignore them, acknowledge them or engage.
By the way, this is not your average day in this city.
No one walks around for 10 hours looking for trouble. These events happened in certain parts of NYC (notably 125th street). If this experiment took place near the financial district, and the woman in the video was surrounded by millionaires in Brooks Brothers suits, would this woman ignore their advances? I noticed that none of the streets included were Park, Madison, Fifth, or Lexington Ave. Neighborhoods like Brooklyn Heights, Park Slope, the Upper East Side or Williamsburg were nowhere to be found. How about the High Line? Why not? Nothing filmed there either.
I find the racial politics of this video very problematic. When specifically asked about the demographics of the men featured in the video, Emily May, co-founder and executive director of Hollaback!, mentioned in an interview on the NPR show The Takeaway, that it “cut across the racial and socioeconomic spectrum.” If that were the case, then why edit the video to show predominately black and brown men? She never addressed or answered the question. The harassment of women by men is an important issue, but when attempts such as this one uphold the narrative that black and brown men are uncivilized brutes then it does nothing but perpetuate the many ways black and brown men are stigmatized and demonized. Is justice really being served here?
When you look closely at the video, you will notice several scenes where the audio does not match the video. It appears as if there were cases of audio overdubs. Also, how do we know this was 10 hours and were are the 108 supposed examples of street harassment? When asked about the absence of white men in the video and the editing process, the director Rob Blisssaid, “We got a fair amount of white guys, but for whatever reason, a lot of what they said was in passing, or off camera,” or was ruined by a siren or other noise. The final product, he writes, “is not a perfect representation of everything that happened.” If that is the case and you find yourself editing out all the white men who catcalled, maybe they could have taken another 10 or 20 hours looking for that white guy. You can certainly find it if you really are looking for it.
Again, sexual harassment is a CRIME. Nothing here was criminal. Being an attractive woman who gets catcalls is another unfortunate aspect of living in a city of 8 million people. Do we strive for a better life? Yes. But to label all of these videotaped interactions sexual harassment is stretching the definition.
How does one expect to interact in this large city, and have no one talk to them, or say “good morning?” Good luck figuring that one out.
The whole premise of this video is flawed and became a poorly executed exercise that achieved nothing except more confusion and negative attention for Hollaback and radical gender feminism.
What is supposed to be done about “street harassment?” Do we make catcalling illegal? According to Hollaback, yes.
Unfortunately, catcalling is symptomatic of a far deeper societal problem. It is important to note that, like most people, these men are not inherently bad; rather, they are acting based on their natural instincts and the expectations of the people in the community where they live.
As a healthy heterosexual male, I always notice women and I always appreciate when there is an attractive one in the room. That being said, I have never catcalled a woman, or made any other sexual comments to a woman I was not intimate with. I try to the best of my ability to treat women exactly as I would a man. I attribute my behavior to my upbringing. My parents had rules for how I was to treat and respect women. In addition, they had guidelines for how my sisters and I were to conduct themselves, which encompassed dating, dress, and a curfew. I do the same thing with my own children. My parents served and continue to serve as role models and demonstrate what a loving and respectful relationship looks like.
Nowadays, long-term relationships are on the decline, and as a result, proper relationship role models are becoming increasingly rare. It does not help matters that we live in a hook-up culture, which I think reinforces viewing women as a sexual object rather than a person deserving of respect. Until Hollaback addresses the larger societal problem, I do not think they will be very effective.
Their ultimate goal? They want to make free speech ILLEGAL!
Sexual harassment exists, but are we now redefining it to include casual greetings? This video was edited in such a way to make it look like the harassment is constant, which is false. Harassment is never acceptable, but I feel more sorry for the homeless men in the video than for the person the men in the video were hello to.
Why is it that so much attention is paid to what seems like a damsel in distress, when the truth is she wasn’t. There was such an outcry in support of her over the past week even though this who thing was set up and a massive hoax. We seem to neglect the plight of the men who are stuck in these communities and only focus on this one woman who is doing quite well and is under no form of “oppression” at all in this country. Why is it that men’s issues are totally neglected but we fall over each other to figure out a way to help out women who feel threatened by a man saying hello? It is time to call these people out and start asking deeper questions about what the motive of organizations like Hollaback really are.
When we pay the same amount of attention to the gender aspect of homelessness, incarceration, job deaths, suicide, dropouts, and mortality rates, and discrimination in family courts, criminal courts, and domestic violence services, then maybe I’ll sympathize with a woman being asked how her day is on the street too many times.
PBS NewsHour anchor Judy Woodruff interviews Hanna Rosin about The Atlantic’s November cover story, “Why Kids Sext.” How should laws address underage sexting? Does law enforcement need to play a role? When teenagers share nude photos, what should parents do?
Courtesy of PBS NewsHour
Enough has already been said about this silly video. I will have Barbra Kay summarize how I feel below…and her words are just a few I agreed with. I’d speak out more on this but you can read this, this , this and this to get a feel on how ridiculous this video and gender feminism is. Good grief!
Barbara Kay: Feminist video turns to child abuse to send distorted message
To be okay with this video, you’d have to be okay with children serving as adults’ toys, for whatever purpose adults want, in this case to embody the need for gender justice through the creative juxtaposition of childhood “innocence” with adult “knowing” through the “irony” of “adult” entertainment. To do that, you have to take young children who shouldn’t be thinking or expressing certain kinds of adult thoughts, and then get them to act as if it was their custom and normal to do so. Wink wink wink wink wink.
So what’s so objectionable? Where to begin? There’s adult women thinking it’s cool to have young girls – we’re talking nine or ten here – rapping like snarling, alienated “gangstas” with every third word out of their mouth f***, f***ing, f***ed-up or mother***er to show how “down” they are with badass ‘tude. There’s white women thinking it’s awesomely creative to have white girls (with a token Asian and a token black) puttin’ it out there like hip-hop “hos.” There’s feminists thinking it’s cool to have children posing and pouting like jaded hook-up queens, only – omg, we’re so clever and ironic – dressed in the kind of princess outfits that are all the rage for *pre-sexual* children.Little girls talking like sluts, so inviting the kind of attention one normally gives sluts (not that there is supposed to be anything wrong with that, but there is when it’s children). In the parlance, wouldn’t you say that’s kind of “rapey”?
The words “crude,” “coarse” and “indecent” do not begin to convey the negative effect of this assault on the sensible viewer’s eyes and ears. But the word “falsehoods” is a good beginning. Not a single statement of alleged fact in the video is true. Deconstruction of the pay inequality myth and the one-in-five sexual assault canard have been handily dealt with many times by credible analysts and with irrefutable data.
And nobody is teaching their sons to rape, so there is no need to “start” teaching them not to. And by the way, nobody is making little girls yearn to own and wear princess dresses or enjoy being pretty. They just do, and that’s a real fact. Which is, you know, kind of ironic.
This video is not only a prime example of child abuse – any parent who lets their nine year old child watch this crap should seriously interrogate his or her parental judgment and maturity, and the parents who allowed their daughters to take part in it should have their heads examined – its tone simply exudes misandry.
I think this woman is a fantastic example of what people are supposed to be – compassionate, of both sexes. This is a feminist mother who isn’t interested in pushing feminist dogma onto her son and training him to be what feminist theory says about men. She’s interested in doing what’s best for him. She is concerned for his safety, his well-being and his development. She admits what kind of outright misandrist she used to be. Laughing at men’s suffering is hateful and wrong. However, after having her son, the things which used to make her laugh, now make her feel protective. Now she actively shields her child, from all the feminist propaganda and rhetoric which would otherwise be psychologically and emotionally abusive for a male child to hear.
She stipulates she specifically wants to make sure little boys are not being harmed bye the system, and that they’re being given the same level of encouragement that girls are. It appears as if she’s switched from a gender ideologue to an equity feminist.
I wish more feminists could wake up to the reality that man and women are NOT the same. That is the beauty of our species. We complement one another.
Yes, the difference right now is so profound that as the mother of a son, I’ve stopped paying attention to the girls entirely. (Sorry, little girls! I feel like I’m betraying my own sex, but right now, I’ve got a small man to raise.)
Different sexes? For the time being, we might as well be dealing with a different species.
If I compared my son to these girls, I’d go down that rabbit hole of doubt and start to worry, wondering how he could possibly compete with these super-powered little ladies. Wondering if he could ever catch up. And I know that he will catch up – at about 25.
Before having a son, I was always one of the ra-ra girls. Confident, ambitious, and not afraid to call myself a feminist. I’m still like that. But after having my son, I no longer want to crow about female superiority. I don’t laugh when I see books called “Are Men Obsolete?” or think it’s clever when I see articles that talk about how marriage rates are down because there are no “good” men, no men that are “worth” having.
Those articles used to make me proud, thinking about how far women have come in just a few decades in the workforce. Now, they just make me feel protective, not wanting a generation of little boys to grow up hearing about the many ways in which their gender somehow falls short in today’s society. That feeling grows tenfold when I read the articles that casually blast men for their “prolonged adolescence” or low earning potential — and indeed, men came out behind after the most recent recession, with 2010 unemployment numbers concentrated for the first time on men, rather than women.
Now that my son is here, I check myself before making the kinds of comments women always make — the many things that men are “hopeless” at, the ways in which they screw things up. I might still joke about it over email with my friends, but I try to make sure I never say anything like that out loud around my son.
The differences between little girls and boys won’t change. But I want to make sure we’re giving boys the same encouragement we give now to little girls; the same reassuring words that they can do whatever they want to do – whether that involves being a stay-at-home dad or a CEO.
