I think my girlfriend just might be a unicorn:
Stasi: Robin Williams’ $30M alimony to ex-wives contributed to his death
By LINDA STASI
Did alimony kill Robin Williams?
At least in part it sure did. Paying out over $30 million to ex-wives who were allowed to attach themselves to Williams’ bank account like comatose patients on feeding tubes would be enough to make Gandhi angry and depressed.
While states are finally, gradually catching up to the modern age in terms of alimony (now they call it “maintenance” — as in “high maintenance”) the practice of men paying women because they once were married is not just primitive but, yes, sexist.
Yeah, go ahead, call me anti-feminist, call me whatever you want, but the truth is alimony (which is different from child support and fair distribution of assets acquired during the marriage) doesn’t mean the non-working spouse is entitled to live as high as the Kardashians. It’s that concept that is fundamentally anti-feminist.
No, I’m not talking out of my head. I’m talking as a formerly divorced, unemployed woman who didn’t ask for alimony, just a fair amount of child support for our then-2-year-old daughter, which never happened anyway.
And thank God for it. Had I been “maintained,” I would never have found my own way in the world. I wouldn’t have written books at night as a side-job, I would never have fought against sexism to be given decent assignments, and my daughter would have had a “maintained” mother as opposed to an ambitious one as an example.
Yes, it was scary as hell most of the time. But hell, if a man could support a family, why couldn’t I?
“Maintenance” is treading water, which makes moving forward impossible.
And even though women now work as a matter of course, according to 2010 Census records, 97 percent of the 400,000 people receiving spousal support are women.
Read the rest HERE
They’re right, I DON’T understand feminism
By Ron Collins – follow him on twitter @framersqool
For anyone following the #womenagainstfeminism hashtag on Twitter, or the other online venues where this is trending, one will readily observe just how often the charge is made (or is it a defense?) that the W.A.F.s and friends simply “don’t understand” feminism.
Actually, I think they’re right. After a lifetime of being told, going back to the sixties, that my kind (the dread White Man) were responsible for pretty much everything bad that ever happened to anyone else not like us, I decided to check it out myself.
I read Brownmiller, Ehrenreich, Friedan, and Caldicott, to name but a few. I hung out with, worked with, listened to, and attended public events with, self-identifying feminists, for years. I saw women in the 80s wearing running shoes to work to “Take Back the Night” and went on to wonder if they had, as heels got higher and higher until anatomically self-immolating footwear had become the new symbol of “empowerment.”
I married a feminist with a feminist mother. I watched my more intellectual, urbane male friends, one after another, go from being interesting, funny and spontaneous young men to being diaper-bag-toting stepnfetchits who could barely begin a sentence without the words “let me check with…” I worked with redneck manly men whose wives actually (wait for it) MADE THEM SANDWICHES, and who also in absolute seriousness called the little lady The Boss and meant it.
And all this time, in college towns and tourist towns, as well as cow towns, I kept thinking that, sooner or later, I would run into this Patriarchy that had all these gals stirred up. Ol’ Pat must have done something REAL bad to these women, ’cause they just never seemed to stop looking for him behind every corner and in every action, thought, attitude or perceived slight on the part of men.
And still, I guess I just didn’t “understand” feminism, hard as I’d tried. I remember the first time I got wind that things were changing between guys & gals was when at about age 9 or 10, still in the bygone era of “full-service” gas stations, I saw my first woman out pumping gas, checking oil and wiping windshields. Soon after that I started hearing about new roles assigned to men, such as attending childbirths, being emotionally available, involving ourselves more with children and being more understanding of women’s health. I added two and two, and figured, not such a bad trade: men do more stuff women do, and women do more stuff men do. I can work with that, I was thinking as I prepared for manhood.
In the early 80s I worked with women and men both, on a fire crew and in livery stables where I spent some summers, and it seemed OK. I kinda overlooked how the men would do all the heavy lifting, and never thought once about the inequity of my spending three days picking swollen ticks off horses’ bellies to drown them in diesel, while three girls would wander by and go “ey-ewww, that is SO gross…”, or the all-day rides I would guide while the ladies took all the cushy one- and two-hour ones that had them home for lunch…
When I entered residential homebuilding I just assumed there would be women coming along. (cue crickets) I saw a grand total of ONE female electrician, which is a high-paying profession with almost endless employability requiring only on-the-job training, ONE lady carpenter who prided herself on her volunteer work at the women’s shelter and had no issues with my carrying her materials for her (but a lot of issues with being a real carpenter, sorry to say). And that’s it, in more than 35 years in the trades. Women were never discriminated against or excluded, they just never showed up at all.
Meanwhile, my son was abducted by his mother in a long-planned action scripted by her mother with the MSW and a new law called “the Violence Against Women Act” that she and her colleagues used to crucify me in court without evidence; I experienced repeated instances of police officers going on alert in courthouses when the tone of my (male) voice became suspect while one woman expert after another were scarlet-lettering me with their guesswork and their social theories; one male judge, lawyer or police officer after another submissively awaiting a female diagnosis of my disturbing maleness before deciding what to do with me or whether I could be unsupervised with my son (all of this with no evidence whatever being presented at any point);
Then years after this kangaroo-court farce I began to look back into gender politics issues. I found women demanding seats on corporate boards that they had not earned, women accusing men of domestic violence without ever being troubled to prove anything had happened to them at all, women who were the electoral majority in one election after another castigating me and all men over why “they haven’t elected a female president”, women being astonishingly rude, dismissive, crass and vulgar toward male coworkers in non-construction workplaces where I worked at various times; women dominating every aspect of what was supposed to be a dialogue about “gender” and openly guffawing at the idea that any man had anything to contribute to the discourse…
Women being shamelessly passive-aggressive toward their spouses and boyfriends, openly rude in public places, defiantly fraudulent toward programs and benefits they applied for, matronizingly dismissive of the very concept of male grievance, THIS is what I think of when I think about “feminism.” And, feminism has been such an apparent success, that a woman now doesn’t have to know half what I do about feminist theory or history, to get away with plain rude and hurtful behavior whenever she decides to indulge in them.
So, the bashers of #womenagainstfeminism are right on the mark: try as I have, flexible as I’ve been on the idea, hard as I’ve worked (I even enrolled in “Gender Studies 101” at a community college once in the late 80s, which I and two other men were basically badgered by students and instructor alike into dropping after the first day),
No, I don’t understand feminism. Not at all. I understand what it might have been, what it was marketed as being, what some adherents believed it was supposed to be.
But what feminism’s actions and results have shown, as a popular philosophy or as a policymaking doctrine? Guilty as charged: I absolutely do not understand.
Originally found HERE: https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140725200047-123782074-they-re-right-i-don-t-understand-feminism
Black Thought and Self Reliance
I’m reading The Souls Of Black Folk by W.E.B.DuBois now. A great book and a must read for all Americans. Published in 1903, it explored a variety of subjects of black life in that time period. It’s a great reminder of how many things HAVE NOT changed since then.
I say this because today is Marcus Garvey’s birthday. He was another towering intellectual that was one of the major influences of Malcolm X. I find his ideas, as well as great black intellectuals like Booker T. Washington, Dubois and a host of others from that time period still resonate in 2014.
I’m going to make sure I teach my kids about towering back thought leaders well before high school. I leaned about them at college but am finally getting around to the literature these people left for us to digest. It’s appalling that self reliance is not a tool that is being advocated, but reliance on goverment is.
The latter is a recipie for disaster.
The Father Project
In my research and experience dealing with divorcing couples, whenever a woman has major issues with men, there are usually issues with the woman’s father and her relationship with him. It’s important that people make amends and deal with those issues.
By Monique Griffin:
Recently an old friend shared with me his sad story about the challenges he’s facing co-parenting his daughter’s mother. “She doesn’t follow the court-appointed schedule. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen my daughter. When she needs a sitter, why doesn’t she call me?” The sadness in his eyes and the helplessness in his voice shattered me.
I know this story all too well, as I have several male friends whose efforts to be present and active fathers have been thwarted at every turn by the mother of their children. I also know this story because after my son’s father and I split, my anger toward my ex burned like a raging fire within me. Of course, the real victim of my anger was our son. Knowing this to be the case, I enlisted two girlfriends to hold me accountable before interacting with his father (who, by the way, always showed up for our son). And even with the help of my friends to manage my wrath, there were still a few times when the fire burned too hot and I gave up my self-control.
I recall one particular occasion when we were on the phone, and I was screaming. This time felt different from my prior “rage-a-thons,” because rather than giving over to it entirely, I felt myself witnessing my behavior from the outside. After we hung up the phone, I went to my sacred space to ask for guidance from within my heart. Immediately I heard my inner voice say, “Heal your relationship with your father, and it will change the relationship you are having with your son’s father.” I did not hesitate, and the next day I began The Father Project, a 30-day prayer, meditation, and research project to heal my relationship with my father, who had been deceased for 30 years.
Being familiar with spiritual practices, quantum psychics and spiritual psychology supported my journey. Believing that I carry the energetic and genetic imprint of my parents, I went to work on myself to acknowledge, love, and heal the abandoned and abused parts of myself that were undermining my relationships with nearly every man I knew. There was a part of me that hated men, and a contrary part that hated myself for desiring their love so desperately and yet repelled them at the same time.
Four years ago The Father Project was born and I took to my Facebook page to document my journey. I carried a picture of my father or something to remind me of him each day. I spoke to his friends and siblings intending to understand his world and how he became the violent, unhappy man I knew him to be. I interviewed fathers who are present, protective, and loving toward their spouses and children to have a greater understanding of what conscious and mature love can be. I visited my father’s gravesite, which I had not done since his death. Each day I wrote I in my journal, nurtured the little girl within me who needed love, and reached out to men who I had mistreated.
This journey helped me understand and fully grasp the power of being a woman and what that means to our children. My anger and unhappiness acted as invisible agent, informing and influencing everyone in my environment. Nothing could thrive in my space. I awakened to the influence women have in our world, even when we see ourselves as victims and powerless. I came to see the split from my ex was not the source for my anger but a light shining upon it. This discovery assisted me in taking responsibility for my participation and creation in the current breakdown my son’s father and I were experiencing. The results were not miraculous, but within a month’s time, I had begun the process of shifting my unconscious behavior, healing my anger, and nurturing myself. I started extending myself to my son’s father, and within about a year our relationship completely transformed. The inner work I’d done allowed me to soften and to listen better. For years I’d wanted to hear him apologize, but after completing The Father Project, it no longer mattered.
Read more HERE
Women against #WomenAgainstFeminism
An excerpt from this article: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-debate/women-against-womenagainstfeminism/article19970342/
Do we still need feminism? According to many younger women, we do not. For the past few weeks, a Tumblr hashtag campaign called #WomenAgainstFeminism has been stirring up a lot of angst in the Twitter/blogosphere. As part of the campaign, young women submit selfies with handwritten signs that say: “I don’t need feminism because [fill in reason here].” The reasons include things like: “My self-worth is not directly tied to the size of my victim complex!” “I love being an engineer, but I’d rather just be Mom.” “I like men looking at me when I look good.” “Feminism has become a pseudonym for bullying.” And, on a lighter note, “How the [bleep] am I supposed to open jars and lift heavy objects without my husband?”
Naturally, this campaign has been like a red flag to a bull, if I may use that expression. Shock, horror, ridicule and satire have ensued, along with a great deal of reproachful head-shaking from those who say that women who reject feminism are ignorant and misinformed.
……………..
(Most polls say fewer than half of younger women identify with feminism.) One big reason is: We won. Thanks for your hard work, Gloria and Germaine. The heavy lifting’s over. You can rest on your laurels now.
Another reason is that #WomenAgainstFeminism is essentially right. There is a hard core of misandry and victim-culture in modern feminism that is deeply disturbing. #WomenAgainstFeminism is in part a reaction to the #YesAllWomen campaign, which began in reaction to the murder rampage of Elliot Rodger last May. The lonely misogynist – who killed two women and four men, before killing himself – was cast as a symbol of the worldwide war against women. As one Facebook comment (quoted in Time by Sarah Miller) said: “If you don’t think this is about misogyny there is something wrong with you.”
Modern feminism has split into two distinct strands. The mild-mannered mainstream version, having achieved most of its objectives for equality (and then some: upward of 60 per cent of postsecondary graduates are now women) is focusing its efforts on ever more elitist issues, such as the lopsided gender split in Silicon Valley and the shortage of women on corporate boards. Will all due respect to the problems of the one per cent, I do not think these are the types of issues that will send young women to the barricades.
The leftist, postmodernist strand of feminism insists that women are still oppressed, and the world’s still stacked against us, and there is basically no difference between the rape epidemic in India and the one in North America. One example of this thinking is The Guardian’s Jessica Valenti, who, in response to #WomenAgainstFeminism, wrote: “[D]enying that women are a victimized class is simply wrong. What else would you call a segment of the population who are systematically discriminated against in school, work and politics? How would you describe a population whose bodies are objectified to the point of dehumanization? Women are harassed, attacked and sexually assaulted with alarming regularity in America and around the world.” This is a belief system rather than a depiction of reality, and, as with all belief systems, there’s no point arguing about it with the faithful.
Views like this wouldn’t matter much, except that they have real-life consequences, as Cathy Young has pointed out in Time. One is the destructive “rape culture” myth that has gripped campuses across North America, along with the meme – utterly fictitious – that one in five women will be sexually assaulted by the time she gets her degree. This claim is on the face of it absurd, but it has spawned an epidemic of victimology and abuse of due process that will take a generation to undo.
Read the entire piece HERE
