The World’s Toughest Job

Here is a different take on that silly viral video that was an advertisement for greeting cards…a thing that I DETEST anyway.

Motherhood is NOT the most difficult job. It’s not even a job. Neither is fatherhood. The thing is, parenting is not a job at all. It has some things in common with a job, but it’s a whole different thing altogether. As parents, we don’t get paid, we can’t quit if we get angry or pissed off, we can’t look around for better parenting jobs, we can’t sue our employer. In fact, we don’t even have an employer! We don’t have the option of not taking our work home with us when we don’t want to, we don’t receive any training, etc.

So to start with, the whole idea of parenthood being a job is nonsense from the beginning. Then, to go on and on with exaggerating the amount of work and expertise needed to be a parent, it not only creates guilt on the part of parents, it also makes it seem like the best parents are the ones who treat their kids as helpless and endangered for as long as possible. The quicker we raise self-sufficient, self-reliant human beings, the better. It is better for parents, better for children and better for society in general.

I can see through the nonsense of bullshit advertisement schemes and I hope that you do too in the future.

 

 

 

Domestic violence against men: Know the signs

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Domestic violence against men isn’t always easy to identify, but it can be a serious threat. Know how to recognize if you’re being abused — and how to get help.

By Mayo Clinic Staff
Women aren’t the only victims of domestic violence. Understand the signs of domestic violence against men, and know how to get help.

Recognize domestic violence against men

Domestic violence — also known as intimate partner violence — occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Domestic violence against men can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse and threats of abuse. It can happen in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.

It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men. Early in the relationship, your partner might seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse might appear as isolated incidents. Your partner might apologize and promise not to abuse you again.

In other relationships, domestic violence against men might include both partners slapping or shoving each other when they get angry — and neither partner seeing himself or herself as being abused or controlled. This type of violence, however, can still devastate a relationship, causing both physical and emotional damage.

You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
Prevents you from going to work or school
Stops you from seeing family members or friends
Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear
Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs
Threatens you with violence or a weapon
Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it
If you’re gay, bisexual or transgender, you might also be experiencing domestic violence if you’re in a relationship with someone who:

Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity
Tells you that authorities won’t help a gay, bisexual or transgender person
Tells you that leaving the relationship means you’re admitting that gay, bisexual or transgender relationships are deviant
Justifies abuse by telling you that you’re not “really” gay, bisexual or transgender
Says that men are naturally violent
Children and abuse

Domestic violence affects children, even if they’re just witnesses. If you have children, remember that exposure to domestic violence puts them at risk of developmental problems, psychiatric disorders, problems at school, aggressive behavior and low self-esteem. You might worry that seeking help could further endanger you and your children, or that it might break up your family. Fathers might fear that abusive partners will try to take their children away from them. However, getting help is the best way to protect your children — and yourself.

Break the cycle

If you’re in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

Your abuser threatens violence.
Your abuser strikes you.
Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.
The cycle repeats itself.
Typically the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time.

Domestic violence can leave you depressed and anxious. You might be more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs or engage in unprotected sex. Because men are traditionally thought to be physically stronger than women, you might be less likely to report domestic violence in your heterosexual relationship due to embarrassment. You might also worry that the significance of the abuse will be minimized because you’re a man. Similarly, a man being abused by another man might be reluctant to talk about the problem because of how it reflects on his masculinity or because it exposes his sexual orientation.

Read more HERE

 

Sexual Assault on Campus–Is It Exaggerated?

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An excerpt from this article by Cathy Young: http://www.mindingthecampus.com/originals/2011/04/_by_cathy_young_1.html

Earlier this month, shortly after the announcement of a sexual harassment investigation targeting Yale University, the Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights issued a “Dear Colleague Letter” to colleges on the handling of sexual violence cases. On the same day, April 4, Vice President Joe Biden kicked off a nationwide “awareness campaign” on schools’ obligations toward victims in a speech at the University of New Hampshire. But will this campaign truly help victims of sexual assault – or is it likely to trample on the civil rights of students accused of such offenses, and promote more panic and paranoia on campuses?

Some of the recommendations in the OCR letter are innocuous enough, such as providing a grievance procedure for students to file complaints of sexual violence and an equal opportunity for both sides in such cases to present witnesses. Others, however, are more troubling; indeed, former Education Department attorney Hans Bader concludes that the document “undermines due process and accuracy” in the quest for more convictions. While these are convictions under campus disciplinary proceedings, not in criminal court, they are still likely to have grave consequences: not only expulsion from school, but the stigma of having committed a felonious act even if it is not prosecuted under criminal law.
Perhaps the most problematic of the OCR’s recommendations is that sexual assault complaints should be adjudicated under the standard of “preponderance of the evidence,” rather than the “clear and convincing evidence” standard currently used by many universities. (In response, Stanford and Yale are already amending their procedural rules.) As Bader puts it, “‘Preponderance of the evidence’ means that if a school thinks there is as little as a 51 percent chance that the accused is guilty, the accused must still be disciplined.” In his view, this requirement is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of federal law: In Title IX sex discrimination cases, the “preponderance of the evidence” standard is meant to apply to an institution accused of violating the plaintiff’s rights, not to another individual accused of an offense.
The full text of the “Dear Colleague Letter” also warns that “OCR strongly discourages schools from allowing the parties personally to question or cross-examine each other during the hearing,” on the grounds that such questioning may be traumatic or intimidating to the alleged victim. In practice, this policy will severely limit the right of the accused to cross-examine the accuser, particularly since the letter also states that “OCR does not require schools to permit parties to have lawyers at any stage of the proceedings” (the only requirement is to treat both parties equally in this respect). The constitutional right to confront the accusing witnesses applies only to defendants in real courts; however, Bader points out that such a right in campus hearings is recognized by some state education codes, and a few judges have even held that it is constitutionally required in certain cases.

Like many such campaigns, the administration’s new push for a more aggressive approach to sexual assault complaints relies on claims that sexual violence on college campuses exists in epidemic proportions. The OCR letter cites a recent study showing that one in five female college students (and six percent of the men) experience a completed or attempted sexual assault during their school years. This data comes from the Campus Sexual Assault Study commissioned by the National Institute of Justice and conducted in 2005-2007.
However, a close look at the CSA Study’s findings raises some serious questions about its reliability. First of all, the vast majority of the incidents it uncovered involved what the study termed “incapacitation” by alcohol (or, rarely, drugs): 14 percent of female respondents reported such an experience while in college, compared to six percent who reported sexual assault by physical force.

Yet the question measuring incapacitation was framed ambiguously enough that it could have netted many “gray area” cases: “Has someone had sexual contact with you when you were unable to provide consent or stop what was happening because you were passed out, drugged, drunk, incapacitated, or asleep?” Does “unable to provide consent or stop” refer to actual incapacitation – given as only one option in the question – or impaired judgment? An alleged assailant would be unlikely to get a break by claiming he was unable to stop because he was drunk.

Not surprisingly, three-quarters of the female students in this category did not label their experience as rape. (Even when penetration was involved, only 37 percent of the women the study classified as victims of rape by incapacitation believed they had been raped.) Two-thirds said they did not report the incident to the authorities because they didn’t think it was serious enough. Interestingly, only two percent reported having suffered emotional or psychological injury – a figure so low that the authors felt compelled to include a footnote asserting that the actual incidence of such trauma was undoubtedly far higher.

The CSA Study’s estimate of sexual assault by physical force is somewhat problematic as well – particularly for attempted sexual assaults, which account for nearly two-thirds of the total. Women were asked if anyone had ever had or attempted to have sexual contact with them by using force or threat, defined as “someone holding you down with his or her body weight, pinning your arms, hitting or kicking you, or using or threatening to use a weapon.” Suppose that, during a make-out session, the man tries to initiate sex by rolling on top of the woman, with his weight keeping her from moving away – but once she tells him to stop, he complies. Would this count as attempted sexual assault?

Read the rest HERE

 

Dads: The antidote to helicopter parenting

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An excerpt from THIS article: By Naomi Schaefer RileyMay 5, 2014

Want to make sure your kid graduates from college? Money helps, as well as good grades — but so does having an involved father. In fact, we’re learning more about the importance of dads in all families, rich as well as poor.

An American Enterprise Institute report last month found, “Compared to teens who reported that their fathers were not involved, teens with involved fathers were 98 percent more likely to graduate from college, and teens with very involved fathers were 105 percent more likely to graduate from college.”

The author, Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, suggests several reasons this might be the case: Dads might help with homework, or make kids less likely to engage in mischief; they may help with tuition, too.

But here’s another possibility: Fathers seem to do a better job fostering independence in kids. And one of the biggest challenges of succeeding in higher education is the amount of freedom you’re given.

In the past year, I’ve interviewed a number of kids from disadvantaged backgrounds who’d made it to college. Without exception, they report that the biggest difference from high school is the burden of studying on their own, managing their own time and prioritizing their own activities.

It’s not just low-income kids who benefit from the fatherly presence when it comes to college. The AEI report notes: “It seems particularly important for young adults from moderately and highly educated homes.”

The kind of homes, that is, where kids are no longer allowed to wander more than 5 feet from their backyards, where every activity requires a helmet and where parents attach GPS devices to backpacks.

Read more here: http://nypost.com/2014/05/05/dads-the-antidote-to-helicopter-parenting/

Child Support Is More Like Child Extort

I’m so glad I was proactive and made sure I stopped the bleeding before it got worse. I refused to pay child support. I think the whole idea is ridiculous and it needs to be totally overhauled and updated to reflect modern society.

I see child support as just another form of spousal support, or baby momma support because very few jurisdictions demand accountability as to how these funds are to be spent. If recipients of child support had to be held accountable for every dime that is spent, we would see the reality of the abuse that this system truly is. I cringe when I hear stories of people who can barely support themselves because the vast majority of the child support money is funneled through the state to their ex. It is criminal.

I suggest joining organizations like the National Parent’s Organization. I recently became a member and I have already had a discussion with my state senator about issues like this, but specifically shared parenting.

It’s time to make serious changes in the laws in each state and hold elected officials and judges accountable for upholding the laws.

Here is an excerpt from an article you might find interesting:

CHILD SUPPORT PROTEST UNDER WAY IN FLORIDA
April 20, 2014 by Robert Franklin, Esq.

How many times have child support reform advocates explained to state legislatures that taking away a person’s license to drive doesn’t exactly help them get or maintain the very job they need in order to pay the support the legislature claims it wants paid? The same holds true for various occupational and professional licenses, passports and the like. But legislatures and judges are so convinced of the myth that all non-custodial fathers want is to avoid supporting their children, that reason and good sense go by the wayside.

Now, we’ve heard family lawyers claim that, when faced with prison, fathers always magically find the cash to get current. But Padilla’s experience gives the lie to that claim.

His family and friends had to pool together the money so he wouldn’t go to jail, Padilla said, adding he has been behind because he has had a hard time trying to find a job after getting laid off a few months ago.

Ah, so that’s where that money the lawyers talk about miraculously comes from – family and friends. No, they don’t owe it; the child isn’t theirs, but they scratch together what they can so their friend, uncle, neighbor doesn’t have to go to jail and accrue still more indebtedness. It’s one of the most abusive aspects of an abusive system; who ends up paying are often people with no obligation to do so, no court order against them. Those lawyers think the system works, but in fact it simply extends the court’s reach further and abuses random people arbitrarily.

Read the rest HERE